Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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