I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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