i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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