i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He has the fingertips of a God
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