I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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