I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
