So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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