youre lurking in front of me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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