FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
