I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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