so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
