Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
