And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
