He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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