Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
