so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
