I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
