He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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