i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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