He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
