This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
