I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
