dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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