but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
