The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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