one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
