her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
