If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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