He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
