Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize