I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
