so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
