I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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