By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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