Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
