my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
