omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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