I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
