Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
