Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
