Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i think i just lost a toe
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