I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize