just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
