You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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