umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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