I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Let's paint friendship bongs
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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