she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
wow bdsm is so cute
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
