this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
