Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
