The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
