Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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