ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
