Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
