it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have feelings that need drinking.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
