haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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