your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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