Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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