Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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