I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
