This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
