? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sarcasm needs its own font
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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