at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
