If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
