Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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