So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
