shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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