Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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