Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
