ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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